Indecision Leads to a Decision

I haven't spent a lot of time thinking about what to post today and it was that indecision that led me to today's topic. Decisiveness.

I've held tight to the knowledge that decisiveness is a male trait for quite some time. That is not to say that a woman cannot be decisive, on the contrary, it is quite common among the fairer sex. When I say that decisiveness is a male trait I mean that it is noticeable when it is lacking in a man. A woman has the luxury of being able to be indecisive (or act indecisive, which is far more common) and still remain desirable to men. I would say that this does not hold true in the opposite direction.

There are a very large number of factors that play into attraction. While it surprises me how many men aren't aware of this, confidence is #1 on the scale for the majority of women. In most cases that confidence comes out of not being terribly worried about the outcome of life's many experiences. Not caring can be a great way to start the engine of confidence. It is our level of decisiveness, however, that will steal our thunder.

No matter how confident we are when entering into a new 'situation' with a woman, she will always test us. Most of them will never admit to it, but half of the nonsense she puts you through is purely to test your reaction. They say that actions speak louder than words, and women are hard-wired to put that concept to the test. These tests take a number of forms, from bringing up a reference to a relationship level (ie, marriage) to which you have obviously not progressed, just to see how much you get freaked out, to asking you some innocuous question about something that doesn't matter to anyone and then overreacting to whichever answer you give to see how you'll handle a mood-swing. Some of these tests will become more obvious the more you see them and others will come so far out of left field that your only response will be a blank stare. Oddly enough, a blank stare is always the wrong reaction.

The most common place we men screw up is in the decisiveness category. When hanging out with your friends the most common thing to do is, "I don't know, what do you want to do?" If you ever say this to a woman, and I find out about it, I will hunt you down, slap you in the nose with a newspaper, and say "NO." Just because you don't care what you do on any given night when hanging out with a girl doesn't mean you have to tell her that. Most of us are just so happy to have the chance to spend some time with someone who doesn't fart and then scoop and feed us that we can't think of anything normal to do. Well, start smaller. Dinner is a pretty normal thing to do. Make a decision now about which restaurants you like to sit down and have a meal at. If you're really smart you'll ask questions of your partner about what types of food they do not like. If you ask her what she does like to eat it's just another way of asking her what she wants to do. If you know what she does not like, you can avoid those foods when YOU MAKE THE DECISION.

In the end this isn't a complex concept. When a girl asks you what you want to do, answer the question. Don't say, "I don't know," or "I don't care." These answers get translated into your opinion about your relationship with her by her female mind so fast your head will spin. Just answer the question. If she doesn't like your choice, hopefully she's confident enough to let you know. Here's a nice example I like to use when I'm trying to drive the point home with a guy:

Woman: "Where shall we go for dinner tonight?"
Man: "I'm in the mood for a nice steak. How about Texas Roadhouse?"
Woman: "There's too many peanuts there. The place is always messy."
Man: "Alright, how about some Chinese? I know this place on the corner of Knapp and the Beltline that has a great buffet."
Woman: "A buffet?" (Quizzical look)
Man: "Heh, fine. I have one more idea, but if you shoot this one down too I'm just going to sit you down in the car and drive someplace."

At this point, give her one more option, and then follow through on your claim. Most of the time she'll agree with the third choice, choose one of the other two places, or suggest her own idea. No matter what the outcome, you come across as someone willing to make a decision, which is ultimately the most important thing in a situation like this.